Tag Archives: love

On Cup of Jo, Paul Simon, the arc of a love affair, and how everyone can see your blown apart

I was sad to see that Joanne Goddard, the creator of the blog Cup of Jo, had decided to separate from her husband, Alex. She wrote about it, here: Some Personal News.

I’ve been a big fan of her blog since before she even met Alex around this time in 2007. Over the last decade and a half you can see the arc of their love affair from The Very First Emails Alex and she Sent to Each Other (We Were Nervous!), to stories of their First Date to having kids to…well, now. She and her team have written about many things, but that story, that arc, has always been part of the blog. And now it’s over.

It’s odd to live out loud in public. I get why some people do it, but I think it can be extra painful when things go badly. I think people have learned that after years of social media. Even now for people who are out there: it’s more a persona that is on display than their real self. You need to keep your real self tucked away.

Like her, Paul Simon is another person who has lived out loud in public. On his album Hearts on Bones, he writes about the start of his love affair with Carrie Fisher; on his next album Graceland, he writes about the end. On the song Hearts and Bones, he uses the phrase “arc of a love affair” and on the song Graceland he writes about how “everyone can see you’re blown apart”. That resonates for many of us who’ve been through it.

I have gained much from following her and her blog over the years. I am sure she may feel blown apart, now that the arc of her love affair is ending. I hope soon enough she feels more better, more positive, as time passes.

Blogging was once a big part of social media. A big part of telling our stories. We’ve moved on in many ways, from the social media we use to the way we use it. Regardless, we will continue to tell stories, for ourselves and for others. And the best of stories will remain, whether they are happy or sad.

 

 

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It’s never too late to….

It’s never too late to do many things. And the Times has an entire section devoted to it, here. For example, here is a lovely story on people who fell in love in their 80s. Here’s another fine piece about a woman in her 60s who learned how to swim.

If you are older and you feel it’s too late to attempt to do the Thing You Always Wanted To Do, read those pieces.

This goes for younger people too. Sometimes people in their 30s or 40s think it is too late to do something. Nonsense. It’s never too late to start.  You may not reach the stars, as they say, but you’ll land on the moon. Better than than continually looking up wondering what if.

How to use math to improve your relationships at home and work

the number 5

According to this, the way to have a good relationship with someone is to have five (at least) or more positive interactions with someone for every one negative interaction: Use the Magic 5:1 Ratio to Improve All Your Relationships | Inc.com.

While the focus for that study was on spouse or partner relationships, I think it is likely a good rule to follow for any relationships you have with people. That goes for people at work.  Think about the people you work with: how often do you have positive (vs neutral) interactions with them? If it is infrequent, consider increasing that. Especially if you are a leader. If you are a leader and you find the only time you interact with people is to criticize their work, you likely have many unhappy people under you.

Think about when you interact with your people and be conscious about making more of your interactions positive. After time you will find you have a better relationship with others, and that will lead to other benefits too.

(Photo by Ralph Hutter on Unsplash)

On how care leads to love and how it relates to having more by having less

I have been thinking of this post by Austin Kleon, how caring for something leads us to love it, which leads us to care for it more. I think this is true. It’s a virtuous circle.

I have found this myself during the pandemic, when I purchased house plants with the expectation that they wouldn’t live long. I was wrong: because I was around them more, it was easier to care for them, and because I cared for them, they have thrived, and I loved them more and have cared for them more. Now I have more plants than I ever did before.

It’s tempting to try to stretch this virtuous circle, and you can, to a point. The limiting factor is your ability to pay attention and the needs of the things you are caring for. If you have something or someone that requires much attention and care, you can’t have multiples of those things without exhausting yourself. You need to strike a balance.

To strike that balance, you need the right level of things to care for. Chances are, you have too many things that requires your care. I think you and I need to find the right level and pare down the rest.  Give those things to people who need things to care for. By doing so, you end up caring for and loving yourself. You are the root of all this love and care you are providing. Take care of the root, and the love and care you have for other things and beings can branch out and spread.

P.S. If you are having a hard time paring down, take the advice of either Marie Kondo (keep only things that spark joy) or William Morris (see below)

(Imagine via mylightbag.wordpress.com)