How do you know a thing is not for you?
It’s a difficult question. In the back of our minds we might be thinking, “sure it didn’t work out that one time, but it might if you try again” or “you haven’t tried it…maybe you’ll like it”.
But let me tell you, there are times when you do something and you think: I never want to do that again. For me that thing was public speaking to a large audience.
When I was younger I performed in plays in high school and college. I had given talks at conferences at work to small audiences. I was fine. It was fine.
At some point in my career I watched my colleagues and leaders at work give talks to a large audience and I thought: hey that could be good…I should try that.
In 2008 I finally had a chance. We had an annual work conference called Blue Horizon and I agreed to work with my coworkers to do the keynote speech. This was going to be my chance to get onstage and speak to 700 people on a topic near to me. I thought it would be great.
Instead on the day I had to give the talk, I felt like I was going to die. I had an anxiety that was so deep I would have welcomed death at that point. Even though I didn’t have to speak much, the idea of being trapped on stage, waiting for my turn to speak, and then having to speak to all those people was an anathema to me.
Ironically, the talk went well, despite the fact the the computer that had my speaker notes died at the beginning of the presentation. I remember I made a joke about that onstage, everyone laughed, and then I moved on to complete my part of the keynote.
Afterwards, though, I thought: was it worth it? Was all that work and all that practice and all that suffering worth it? And 18 years later the answer to that is still….no.
A few times since then I’ve been pressed to get up a speak to a smaller audience, and I have always hated it. Presenting on screen I can do no problem. But speaking to a crowd is not for me.
There are many things we are capable of doing that we know in our heart that is not for us. As I get older, I have been making note of them. As I get older, I have less resources to do all the things I am capable of doing. So I make sure that I do not spend any effort on doing the thing that is not for me. I hope you will do the same. Don’t feel you have to do the things that are not for you, be it public speaking or travelling to certain places or hanging out with certain people or even trying certain foods. Just say no.
P.S. And I thought all that when this week I accidentally came across this post from Sacha Chua, who was one of my co-presenters. She gives a good run down of the event.
(Nope Photo by Daniel Herron on Unsplash)


Many people are succumbing to hysteria(1) when it comes to A.I. I understand why people feel this way. But I think it is important for people to know that some of this hysteria is being whipped up by many of those in the A.I. industry. To see what I mean, I recommend you read this piece by Dave Karpf: 




























The New York Times asked experts to “share the literature that has helped them cope with death, illness and despair” and the result was this article: 